Prince Tennyson by Jenni James

Author:Jenni James [James, Jenni]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Young Adult, General Fiction
ISBN: 9781938426513
Publisher: StoneHouse Ink
Published: 2012-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT Tyler had said all night. And then I thought about it all day on Tuesday, too. In fact, by Wednesday, I hated to admit it, but I had pretty much given up. I knew he was right.

That was a hard day. But then of course, it was Wednesday, and Wednesdays were always hard. It had been exactly fifteen months since I had learned my dad wasn’t ever coming home. Fifteen months of torture and torment and misery. The worst fifteen months of my life.

I did the math. That’s sixty-four Wednesdays. Sixty-four of the most absolute horrible days anyone can imagine. Because that’s when I was told my dad wasn’t coming home and I would never see him again. But it took until today, this Wednesday, for me to fully come to the realization how true that report really was.

I was never, ever going to see my dad again.

Ever.

There was no God. Just the hope of Him. Something we all wanted so much that we tried to imagine Him next to us, and around us, and with us. But it wasn’t true, none of it.

I drew my knees up as I sat outside on the porch in the back yard. My baby brother was playing in the sand a little ways away from me. I wrapped my arms around my knees as tight as they would go. Suddenly, the world seemed like a very lonely and cold place. All at once, I didn’t want to be outside watching my brother. I didn’t want to be alone.

I wanted to be back in my bed snuggled up and warm, like I was a week ago. I wished I didn’t know that God wasn’t real. I wished I was back to just being a kid trying to find out if it all was true.

But I couldn’t ever be that girl again. I couldn’t go back. I knew too much.

Instead, I sat on that porch and rocked while I watched my brother over my knees. I rocked and rocked and rocked.

I didn’t cry.

What was the point of crying?

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing at all; except keeping my brother and sister and mom happy.

I wasn’t going to tell my mom.

I knew that much at least. I had decided it earlier that morning while I was awake in my bed thinking it all through. There was no reason for her to know what I knew. It would just hurt her. Besides, she was happier than I’d seen her in fifteen months. I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that for her. Mom needed this. She needed to think God was real so she could live again.

Fine.

I could do that. I could be strong for Mom and my family.

But deep down, I knew the truth.

No one would ever know.

I was strong like that. My strength was all I had left.

I meant it, too. I was determined to never say a word. It was my new goal. I was very good at keeping my goals.

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